


The Desecrating Winter

by LexiBunneh



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Angst, Dancing, Drunken Kissing, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Implied Sexual Content, Non-Canon Relationship, Romance, Smoking, Swearing, Weirdness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-22
Updated: 2015-03-22
Packaged: 2018-03-18 23:53:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3588633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LexiBunneh/pseuds/LexiBunneh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The strange relationship between Ian and the stranger continues.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know somewhere we can go.” I breathed into his ear while delicately turning his face towards me. His eyes were steep with mysteriousness and as the moonlight crept across his features, his lips whispered into mine...</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Desecrating Winter

**Author's Note:**

> Hi Readers,
> 
> This is part two, if you haven't read part one yet, please do so! 
> 
> Disclaimer: I just wanted to say that I really enjoy Ian and Mickey's relationship on Shameless. Part one was just a dream I had about Ian and I wanted to honor it by writing it down and sharing it. I know non-canon relationships and first person perspective are uncommon, but please bear with me, this is the only way I know how to write this story! Please enjoy and feel free to comment.

I still remember my mother's very first words to me about endearment when I was five years old. The warmth of that day settled hazily into the late afternoon air as the imminent shadows contoured against the ripples of sunlight.   
“Mom, whats 'magic'?” I asked her as she busily picked flowers that would later be placed in a vase on our table.  
I had heard the word used in school and my young mind at the time grasped confusion instead of comprehension.   
“Love.” She said while placing her floral findings in my arms as they buried me in abundance.  
Her voice was devoid of any doubt as her eyes agreed that this was the truth.  
“I don't understand.” I whispered as a daisy daintily fell from my hands. My voice was small, just like me.  
“Oh, you will. When you find it, you'll know.” She smiled and added a sunflower to the heap.  
I couldn't sleep that night, wondering about love kept me wide awake. What was it, really? Was it something you could touch with your fingers? How did people find it, did they put “missing” posters up everywhere in search of it? Or if they had it, could it be lost? As the dawn whispered onto my window sill, I could only come to the strange conclusion that love must be in my dreams. My reasoning was: If I couldn't find it here, while awake, then it must be waiting for me somewhere behind the veil of sleep.

 

_______________________________

 

Ian and I had spent the entire summer together and as the warm weather gave away to fall, day and night were enamored at the sight of us in each other's presence. 

“Are you ready to do this?” I whispered to him as we hid behind the ticket booth as the screech of the train's brakes pierced the air. His eyes shimmered with eagerness as he smiled at me.  
“Cider County Next Stop!” The conductor shouted over the bustle of all the passengers boarding.   
I peered through the vacant spot of glass as the last commuter jumped aboard.  
“Let's go!” I grabbed his arm as we bolted for the doors that were ambivalently closing.  
We tried to stifle our laughter as we stumbled up the stairs of the last train car. We bumped into one another while trying to gracefully merge down the narrow aisle of seats. Ian politely moved aside and let me go first, but not before touching my hand and intertwining his fingers with mine. We made our way to the very end and sighed into our seats as the train continued it's jarring journey.  
“Tickets out!” We heard a voice shout from a couple cars up.  
“Shit! What now?” He muttered to me.  
“I don't know! I didn't think we needed a ticket!” My voice was jagged with anticipation.  
“I have an idea.” He says, whisking us to our feet and taking the lead.  
I follow closely behind him as we moved down the walkway once more. I pursed my lips inwards as he stopped in front of the bathroom and hit the button, opening the door. I prayed to myself that no one was looking our way as we slipped inside the tiny room.  
“Everyone, please have your passes out!” The voice demanded again, this time even closer as Ian and I wriggled against each other due to the lack of space.   
My back was pressed up against him hard and I could feel his breathing against my neck.  
“I can't breathe.” I snickered as my chest was forced against the door.  
“Shut up.” He whispered playfully while snaking his arms around me. “I'm practically standing on the toilet, I think if someone here is taking one for the team, it's me.” He said and we were both smiling so hard.  
The footfalls of the conductor were loud and unmistakable as he entered our train car. We both drew in a sharp breath as he neared closer. And this is the exact moment where the dares between us started.They were almost our own language; a unique inside joke that no one else could duplicate. (We always said the opposite of what we meant.)  
“I dare you not to laugh.” Ian says while cupping my mouth.  
He just knew that statement would crack me up and my stomach spasmed from trying to keep my giggles inward.  
The conductor now moved past us and was reverting back to the front.   
My laughed exhaled between Ian's fingers and I elbowed him hard in retaliation for his “dare.” When the train shrieked to a halt again, we dashed for the exit. As our feet touched the ground, we relaxed in our success.  
It was my idea to go apple picking, but as we approached the venue, the realization of it having a cover charge sank in. Round two. A young girl stood at a concession stand in front of the field of trees that was fenced off. Ian grabbed me and quickly pulled me behind a tree before we were sighted. I felt a pulse of excitement from him and the reverberation of his presence still made my heart shiver. The sunlight respired through the trees and as the girl left her post for a moment's notice, my whole body tensed up.  
“I dare you not to catch me!” I whispered to Ian before teasingly shoving his face and racing towards the entrance.  
“Wait!” He hissed with his hand outstretched while running after me.  
As we victoriously lunged past the entryway and ducked into a crowd, I noticed Ian grabbed a basket from the pile that laid against the concession stand.  
“Good thinking.” I gestured to him as our chests heaved while trying to blend in with the other people. A mom and her child turned to give us a weird look and we tried to shrug it off with a smile before they turned around to disregard us.  
“Enough of this covert shit.” Ian gasps between breaths. “If we have to do this again for the train ride home, then we're definitely walking.” He says and jokingly pushes me.  
Early afternoon faded into the evening as we climbed ladders and collected the red luscious fruit. The sunlight shimmered into a crisp, golden color, the kind of luminescence that reveals every speck of dust in the air. As we walked along a rocky pathway lined with trees and fallen apples, I kept stealing glances of Ian. I was a thief of every kind. In this lighting, his beauty was prominent and unmistakeable.   
“Hey!” A voice called from behind us, interrupting my revere.  
We both stood frozen in contemplation as we turned to look. “Hey!” The voice said again while nearing closer and waving an arm.  
“Run.” Ian whispers before we both take off.  
“Wait!” The man calls and pursues us.  
My lungs burn with exhaustion, but fear keeps me going as we run side by side. The apples we collected thrash and thump in the basket wrapped around Ian's arm as we approach a road. Suddenly, my foot catches a tree limb snarled upwards from the ground and I stumble face first into the ground. Ian stops immediately to help me and interlocks his arm in mine. The stranger catches up to us, panting. He was an older gentleman with several apples in his hand. He walked over to us and dropped them in Ian's basket as we stood bewildered; me still sitting on the ground and Ian still trying to pull me up.  
“Why the fuck were you kids running?” He gave us a quizzical look. “You dropped some really good apples while standing on the ladder.” He said and gestured to Ian's arm. “Just wanted to give them back to you.”  
“Sorry sir, we thought we did something wrong.” I did my best to sound innocent as Ian and I simultaneously forced a smile onto our lips. It was true, we thought he was management coming to kick us out.  
“Young people.” He muttered while shaking his head and walking away.  
We stood unmoving in the silence broken only by the crunch of his footsteps, not even looking at each other until he was a good distance away. And then, we broke our composure with uproarious laughter. I could feel the color red pulsing into my cheeks as Ian slumped down next to me. He leaned against me and our foreheads pressed together as we convulsed from laughing. He squeezed my shoulder and as the moment continued to steal the breath from me, _I realized there was no one else I'd rather almost die laughing with._

There were so many good memories underneath the blue sky. One night as I was reading on the couch inflicted by insomnia once more, a pebble drifted in through the window and hit my book with a soft “plunk.”   
“What?” I murmured, sitting straight up.  
Just then, another small piece of rock flew in and landed on the soft cushion next to my leg.  
As I leaned out the window to see where it was coming from, a shadow loomed in.  
“Hi.” Ian whispered against my cheek.  
“Holy fuck.” I hissed, completely surprised.  
“I'm kidnapping you, okay?” He said and as he slid his arms underneath me and my book hit the floor with a helpless “thud.”  
“Oh no.” I said with fake distress. “Someone help, I'm being kidnapped.” I whispered with playful sarcasm as I wrapped my arms around his neck. He carried me to the front where a car was waiting with it's doors ajar.   
“Holy shit. Did you steal this?” I asked as he slipped me into the passenger's side and leaned against the open door. It was an old Ford panel truck, stripped of paint, but still exquisite in all its splendor.  
He gave me a handsome grin that guaranteed arrhythmia in my heartbeat.  
“No.” He laughed after a moment. “Stealing is your thing. We just can't get pulled over and need to have this back at the junkyard before sunrise.”   
“They're getting rid of this?” My voice was filled with dismay. Wasting something so vintage and so pretty was such a gruesome shame.  
“Yeah, the owner is a real prick.” He said while shutting my door and elegantly climbed into the driver's side.  
“Do you know where he lives?”  
“I like how you think. Yeah, he forgot his identification in the dashboard.” The engine purred as he turned the ignition and we took off into the infinite mystery of night.   
“Where should we go?” Ian asks while strumming his hands against the steering wheel to the beat of the song playing on the radio as we slowly pull up to a red light. The way he bopped his head was so charming and the way his body moved to the strange mechanics to animate the car was so endearing.  
“I know somewhere we can go.” I breathed into his ear while delicately turning his face towards me. His eyes were steep with mysteriousness and as the moonlight crept across his features, his lips whispered into mine. We kissed through three sequences of light changes. Passion captivated me and I didn't even notice as the cigarette in my other hand had burned out.  
“Wait, wait!” He insisted in a soft whisper as I pulled off his shirt. “Let me put it in park.” He grinned and as he shifted the gears, I deviously unbuttoned his pants. “You're so going to pay for that!” I laughed against his kiss as he struggled to undo my bra-- the giant steering wheel greatly hindered him. As he delicately climbed on top of me, the glare of the traffic light turning green flickered in through the windshield. His hands entangled with mine as I placed them over my head to brace myself by grasping the door handle. Neither of us flinched as a thunderous rain welcomed itself in through the open windows and the succession of the three colors continued as we surrendered to lust.  
As we shuddered against each other from the linger resonance of perspiring satisfaction, “Earned It” by The Weekend gently trickled into the dense air. 

_You're always worth it..._

I rested my head on his torso and listened to the lyrics that his heart sang as lightning swallowed every expectation of a vibrant sunrise.

_You know our love would be tragic._

“I love this song.” He whispered while daintily stroking his fingers up and down my arm.   
“Me too.” I smiled while listening to the gentle thumps in his chest. _Me too._

We walked home arm in arm that morning, but not before parking the panel truck on our bosses' once neat, unmarred lawn. 

When I wasn't with Ian, _everything else just dulled in comparison._ One evening as I came home from work and was stripping myself of my uniform, I heard a “bang” from upstairs. My broken ipod alarm clock startled me even more as the soft melody of Florence and The Machine's acoustic version of “Dog Days” vibrated into the air. My eyes grew wide with fear and I descended the stairs in just a tank top and boyshorts.

_Happiness... hit her like a train on a track._

“Hello?” I squeaked while slowly moving out from behind the doorway to my room. No answer as the soft, amiable music continued downstairs. The bedroom was empty, with the sheets on my bed untouched. Gently, I pushed the bathroom door open that already was ajar.

_Coming towards her stuck still, no turning back._

Ian innocently looked at me and smiled as I shrieked in surprise. He laughed and over the loud, rapid beating of my shrill heart, I took in the pleasant scenery before me. He was lying in my tub with the sunlight respiring into the room, making the bath water look golden. The gilded water obscured all the right areas of his naked body, leaving me reeling in desire.

_She killed it with kisses and from it, she fled._

“I see we had the same thing in mind.” He said with his eyes hungrily surveying my revealed skin. “Care to join me?” He says while outstretching his arms to me.   
I couldn't help but smile and shyly look down. I tried to cover my growing smile with my hands. I moved through the specks of dust in the air revealed by the unrelenting sunlight and jumped into his arms, clothes and all. 

_The dog days are over, the dog days are over._

His body surged with laughter underneath mine as water splashed everywhere and I felt the rapture of the moment surge into my heart.  
“Ian,” My breathing became ragged as he held me and kissed my neckline. “What's magic?” I asked him, feeling the same as I did at five years old in the garden with my mother.  
“This is.” He whispered after a moment of contemplation and kissed my shoulder. It felt like a butterfly's wings brushed against it. I closed my eyes and fully leaned against him with the picture of him basking in the shimmering light imprinted in my mind. As we lied against each other, our hearts beating in unison underneath our slick, wet skin I thought: _he's wrong._ I was sure without a doubt, that Ian himself was magic.

 

 

And then one day, just as the daylight fades into dusk, _he was gone._ At first, it had only been a few days that I hadn't heard from him or saw him that raised a feeling of concern. It felt like anvil in my stomach that threatened to shatter at the bottom of my abdomen. Then it turned into a week. Everywhere I searched remained devoid of him. I would sit home, on the couch, riddled with anxiety and biting my thumb in hopes he would silence all my doubts with another surprise visit, but in the dark, my fear only grew. The led lights I stole had burned out, now nothing illuminated my home, except my despair.   
Three months had gruelingly passed. Nothing hurt more than thinking of him, yet he was all I could think about. 

“Where you been?” My jealous admirer asks me as I slumped down next to her at the bar. I just shook my head as a response.  
“Any word from him?” I asked the bartender, Ian's replacement. He was a little older than me, but handsome.  
“No.” He said sympathetically as I sighed. “What can I get you?” He asked, pulling out a clean glass and placing it in front of me.  
I felt my lower lip tremble as I tried to conceal my sadness. “Cranberry vodka, please.”  
“So what's going on?” The friendly woman asks me as the bartender slips away.  
I stayed quiet for a couple minutes. I intensely hated divulging my problems to a stranger, it made me feel weak. She didn't really know me, so what did she care? But her face was filled with genuine concern and she hung on for an explanation. The only thing that would be worse than this was crying, especially in public.  
“Alright. If I'm going to tell you, I definitely need more than one drink.” I insisted and four mixed drinks later, I told her everything.  
“At first, when I saw you guys together, I thought you were just friends, really good friends.” She slurs as my vision slightly contracts and I squeeze my half full glass. “Then one day when I was walking home from the bar, drunk as hell, I saw you guys dancing in the skeleton.” (The skeleton was an abandoned fixture that a construction crew started to build, setting up the beams, but eventually deserted due to complications in the blueprints.) And as you kissed, I though 'Man, that is love.” She said as my eyes started to water from the pain of that memory.  
I remembered that chilly night so well, it was the middle of September. Ian had given me his sweatshirt (which now lays crumpled in the corner at home, just like my hope of seeing him again) and although the building's foundation was beveled, the overgrown grass and daisies adorned the concrete floor. As we danced among the flowers, my mother's words from the past reverberated in the air.  
I couldn't say anything for a while, her sincerity rendered me speechless.   
“Let's get another drink.” I finally said, choking back my heartache.   
She just stared at me in a splendor of drunkenness as the bartender poured us shots. As I raised the glass to my lips and drank back the tears, she murmured _“You two went together so well.”_

 

“Hey... hey.” A voice called to me from what seemed like far away. My eyes traced every stitch in the pale curtain in front of me as my mind recalled every line to Ian's face. “Hey!” The voice hissed again, but closer this time. A hand touched my shoulder and I snapped out of my trance.   
“What is it?” I asked, turning to my co-worker Matt, who gazed at me with a look of concern.  
“I was saying before you went into outer space, that I'm having a party at my place tonight. It'd be nice to see you there.” He said with a smile despite his furrowed brow.  
I smiled politely. “What time?” I said with feigned interest.  
“After work. Basically, now.” He chuckled.   
Matt was a real nice guy, he always had insane get togethers and invited everyone from work. No one ever spoke about it during work hours, no matter how crazy it got. It was our little secret underground. “I'll see you later.” He gave me a smile, then pulled out a pack of cigarettes and fumbled to pull out one as he walked towards the exit.  
My breath moved in front of me like a ghost every time I exhaled on my walk home. It was fucking freezing, but I couldn't feel it. I slammed the front door closed, it echoed throughout my empty apartment and every reverberation struck me. I noticed the vacancy of my home too well, it was a stern product of my loneliness. As I sat down on the couch, dazed and still in my winter coat, the ipod clock switched itself on again. The sad tune of Placebo's “Special Needs” tore into the air.

_Remember me..._

“I can't do this.” I thought to myself while tearing myself off the couch in search of the ipod player. 

_Remember me when you're the one you've always dreamed._

My thoughts were racing faster than the fierce pounding of my heart. Where is it? Where the fuck is it? I tore into the other room and stumbled in the dark as the music grew stronger.

_I guess I thought you had the flavor..._

I tripped over a chair and took the ipod player down with me. It crashed hard onto the floor, but continued to play. 

_Dream Obscene..._

“Stop playing you stupid broken thing!” I shrieked as I hovered over it and violently ripped it's cord from the wall. It laid helpless at my knees and as I cradled it to my chest, I realized it was not the only broken thing in the room. “Fuck this.” I thought before getting up to go to the party.

 

Laughter and the smell of alcohol mixed with cigarette smoke filled the dense air. The lights were dim, but the loud music and thumping stereo system made up for it. People packed into every room with solo cups in their hands.  
“Hey, why don't you come outside with me for a second?” Matt says while leaning in too close to me. We were already too close for comfort on the small futon with three other people. I gave him a quizzical look that asked “Why?”  
He just laughed and put his hand on my knee. “It'll be worth it, I promise.” He says while getting up and I set down my drink to follow him to the backyard.  
The frigid air of winter hit us pretty hard and I look up at the white clouds mixing with the deep purple of midnight.   
“You need a light?” Matt asks and hops closer to cup the flame for my cigarette as I lean in to light it.  
“Thanks.” I say as we both breath out a sigh of smoke.  
“So whats been up with you?” He inquires, ashing his cigarette by nervously flicking it more times than it needed.  
“What do you mean?” I responded, somewhat startled. I didn't realize anyone else had really noticed my troubles or bothered to care.  
“Dude, you've lost weight and always seem super sad at work.” He says.  
“I just miss someone.” I say and cringe right after I say it. _Fucking vulnerability._  
“Maybe this will help your nostalgia.” He says and lifts his hand to my face. In the weak lighting of his porch lamp, I saw a small pill. “This is my friend Molly. She cures all my troubles.” He says with a slight smile and drops it into my hand. “You have to stop missing them sometime, right?” And just as he says that, the back door slams open and a hoard of party goers pool into the yard. I drop my cigarette out of shock at the sight of one person. “Are you okay?” Matt says while approaching me as my mouth involuntarily drops open. _Is this another dream, like all the ones I've had before?_  
“Who misses who?” Ian says, laughing among friends as they all pull out a lighter and cigarette. I was frozen, and still held the Molly in my open palm. Suddenly, Ian turns and notices me, his whole body goes rigid too. “Hey.” He says as if nothing happened. As if he never left. As if we were never explicit. As if I wasn't waiting exactly ninety five days for him to return. Well, ninety six now. He came over and gave me a hug that was so light that only our coats made contact, not our bodies. I still didn't move, but I wrapped my fingers tight around Molly. “I've been looking for you everywhere. You weren't at your house.” He whispers to me as nervousness causes his face to twitch.   
Being functional was a foreign thing to me now. My heart was rampantly pulsating with a sense of alarm and excitement and my body just didn't know what to do. I felt Matt's gaze on me as he backed away.  
“We'll uh, be inside.” Matt says as the rest of the party followed him. He wasn't stupid, he knew Ian was the person I missed.  
When the door slammed again behind them, I wasn't sure to be horrified or overwhelmed with joy to be alone with Ian. Emotions mixed and shook within me, like rain and wind to a storm.  
“Hey don't do that shit.” Ian says, gesturing to my hand.  
I felt my eyebrows raise involuntarily. “You mean alone or in general?” I asked with a hint of sarcasm dripping from my voice.  
He gave me a hard look and just to piss him off, I raised my hand to my face and quickly swallowed all my nostalgia. Who does he think he is? That he can just leave me alone and in love? I suddenly just needed to be home, I just needed to be on the island of my lonely couch. I started to walk away.  
“Wait!” Ian says, chasing after me. “At least let me walk you home.” He says in between panting as I open the gate and we emerge onto the sidewalk.   
I gave him the nastiest look, but it didn't deter him, not even a little. Somewhere within me, I had secretly hoped that he wouldn't be so easily discouraged, that he wouldn't give up on me no matter what. Just like I held onto the hope that he would return. As we walked side by side, silence lingered between us. Snow started to gently trickle from the sky as I thought of the longest way to get home. The pipeline was my answer, it was a long, vacant space that ran down two blocks behind the backyards of residents.   
Maybe I drank too much or the Molly was starting to kick in, for when we reached the empty yard of the pipeline, I suddenly felt a shift in my perception. There were no lights to illuminate our journey, but previous snowfall had decorated the ground and the exquisite white frost had lit the way. The darkness of night was the politest I had ever seen it. Despite the obvious display of winter, as the snow crunched beneath my boots, I felt strangely warm, too warm. I took off my coat and it slumped to the ground as I left it behind.  
“Hey!” Ian called to me while picking it up.  
He sounded so far away as I took in the scenery before me. The trees that were lined up on both sides of the pipeline had leaned over to intertwine with each other, creating a delicate archway and all the branches were decorated with the white lace of snow. I watched as the snowflakes whizzed through the air, creating a vivid and visual vibration as they slowly drifted to the ground. “You're going to get sick!” Ian says while draping my heavy coat onto my shoulders.  
Anger surged through me as I threw it off.  
“You fucking left! You just left!' I shouted while pushing him.  
“Would you just let me explain?” He grabbed my hands to stop my attack, but I kept pushing him further down the pipeline as he refused to fight back.  
Thats when I saw it-- the couch abandoned against the fence. It was just sitting there, lightly coated with snow. Next to Ian, it was the second most beautiful thing I had ever seen.  
“Fuck you.” I hissed at him while stopping momentarily.  
He looked at me seriously before saying, “I wish you would.”  
I went to shove him again, but he caught my arms, and I lost my balance. He tried to steady me, but lost his footing as well. I fell backwards into the snow and he gracefully fell on top of me. Me stayed like that for a long moment, our breaths expelling into each other as we panted and breathed in the tension. The scent of him was exactly how I remembered it; whiskey and cigarettes. It ran a static shock through me, just like how lightning rips through the sky. Finally, he cupped my face and leaned over me. I closed my eyes to imprint the moment into my memory.  
“How do I know this isn't just a dream, just like all the other times? Every time I saw you, I knew I was asleep.” I whispered.  
“You don't, thats the beauty of it.” He breathed.  
“I dare you not to stay.” I said.  
And then his lips slammed against mine. The snow crunched beneath his hands as he wrapped his arms underneath me and effortlessly picked me up. I straddled his waist as he grabbed my butt to hold me up. I wrapped my one arm around his shoulders to support myself and with my other hand, I pressed the back of his neck to dissuade him from breaking the intensity of our locked lips. My heart thrashed wildly in my chest and I began to shake from fervor.  
“The couch.” I whispered as a suggestion while biting his lower lip.   
He moved back a couple steps before the couch touched the back of his knees and as he fell backwards onto it with me still in his arms, I grabbed the back of it to use as a pivot to slam my body against his. He gasped and shuddered before cupping the nape of my neck to bring my face closer to his.  
“Your eyes are black.” He says with genuine surprise.  
I didn't care, all I wanted in that moment, was him. I ripped off my shirt as he tried to stop me. _Always a gentleman._ I rocked against him to knock my boots off by strategically using the end of the couch cushion. We were panting hard from lust as I wriggled out of my jeans and pulled off his coat. He was beyond trying to stop me now and wanted the same thing I did, his eyes ran wild with desire. When I lifted up his shirt, I was greeted by a tattoo on the side of his rib cage.  
“Thats new.” I chuckled as I leaned in to bite his neck.  
And then there was a strange darkness where there shouldn't have been. It swarmed around me as I felt my body go limp and I heard Ian shouting my name, but he was too far away again. I felt the cold down to my bones as unconsciousness gripped me. 

 

Between brief snippets of lucidness, I felt like I was floating as the light from the street lamps bounced off the sidewalk that moved beneath me. Then I faded to blackness again.  
I felt the softness of the couch as I was lowered onto it, but I couldn't respond. The cold chill of winter crept into me again and I started to shiver in a volatile way. I felt Ian climb in next to me and his warmth engulfed me as he pulled a blanket over us. More time passed as my lucidity was replaced with darkness once more. _Stay with me._  
Ian stirred next to me, but I wasn't sure if it was a dream again. My consciousness was weak and delved back into a recovering state as the dawn crept through the windows.  
When I finally woke, my apartment was empty again. I was wrapped fully in the blanket, but despite it's warmth, I was alone. Maybe the entire thing was just a dream from the moment I saw Ian, from the second I popped the Molly. Perhaps I hallucinated the entire ordeal. My mouth was painfully dry and my strength was almost non-existent. As I rose to my feet, the blanket slipped off me to reveal that I was wearing only panties _with Ian's shirt._ I gasped and looked to the corner to see if his sweatshirt was still there. It was gone.  
“This changes _nothing.”_ My mind mumbles to me.  
“Oh, I greatly disagree.” My heart murmurs. “This changes _everything_.”

 

I didn't know if Ian was going to come back, or if I had confirmed whatever doubts he had in his mind to make him leave in the first place. The only way I knew how to clear my mind was to smoke a cigarette. With just a coat on over my limited clothes, I slid open my window and a familiar chill invited itself in and prickled my skin as I climbed to my roof. I winced as the cold shingles pierced my bare flesh as I sat down and decided to ignore it as I pulled out my pack of cancer sticks. Just as I was about to light it, a familiar light encases me and blooms against the darkness.   
“Hey.” Ian calls from across the yard as I turn around to look. He deviously snuck into the club and turned on all the decorative lights. “Mind if I join you?” He shouts above the happy internal squeals of my heart.  
I pat the space next to me invitingly without a second though. He jumps down from the platform and within moments, he climbs right next to me. I leaned over to light his cigarette after taking a drag from mine. We sat in the noise of us smoking for a while without saying anything, letting the anticipation build. Finally, he put his free hand over mine.  
“Did we--” I asked while turning to him.  
“No.” He chuckled, looking down. “You passed out on top of me and then I carried you home. Sorry, I had to leave all your clothes.” He smiled sheepishly.  
“That explains a lot.” I whispered. “One day this town is going to catch onto why they keep finding our clothes everywhere.”   
He laughed and agreed, then the silence took over again.  
“Why did you leave?” I finally asked the question that was boiling my insides and frying my brain as it haunted me for months.  
“I'm really sorry that I did. I just needed to get my head straight. One day I was gay, then the next I was sleeping with you and it scared the shit out of me.” He said while looking at me, but I avoided his eyes.   
Suddenly, a familiar noise interrupted us and a haunting melody drifts into the night. Of course my ipod player would go into survival mode by switching to battery usage. Placebo's song “Soul mates” sits in between us. 

_Hush, it's okay..._

We both smile and look down. I intertwine my fingers together and squeeze them hard as an effort to calm my nervousness.   
“What brought you back?” I whisper with all my courage. 

_Dry your eyes._

“You know how to said you dreamt of me every night?” He asked as I nodded. “I was dreaming of you too.” He whispered as tears started to shamelessly stream down my face.   
I was finally able to cry and not care about it for the first time in my life because I knew the magic I yearned for was finally real. 

_Soulmate dry your eyes._

Ian leaned over and hugged me hard, then kissed my cheeks through my tears.

_Soulmates never die._

The night watched us intently through the cascading light as Ian whispered in my ear.

_“I dare you not to love me.” He says._


End file.
